Humour, Snark

Snark responds to Pilots..

Qantas Pilots

After a flight, pilots fill out a “gripe sheet” to report problems. Mechanics then address reported problems and document such for pilot review.

Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident

  • Problem: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
    • Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tyre
  • Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
    • Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
  • Problem: Something loose in cockpit
    • Solution: Something tightened in cockpit
  • Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
    • Solution: Live bugs on back-order
  • Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent
    • Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground
  • Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    • Solution: Evidence removed
  • Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud
    • Solution: DME volume set to more believable level
  • Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
    • Solution: That’s what they’re for
  • Problem: IFF inoperative
    • Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
  • Problem: Suspected crack in windshield
    • Solution: Suspect you’re right
  • Problem: Number 3 engine missing
    • Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search
  • Problem: Aircraft handles funny
    • Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious
  • Problem: Target radar hums
    • Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
  • Problem: Mouse in cockpit
    • Solution: Cat installed
  • Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
    • Solution: Took hammer away from midget

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one?

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